The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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