Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
