Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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