listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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