shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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