i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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