ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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