i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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