i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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