The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
