would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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