He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
