Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
