I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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