Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
