Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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