just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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