Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
