Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
