Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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