In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
