it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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