and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
