Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
