you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
