Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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