hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
