omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
