All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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