3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
