did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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