idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize