..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
