so that wasnt chicken after all
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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