there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
