now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
