im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
