Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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