there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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