I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
