I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
