I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
