5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
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i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
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Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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