where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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