Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
