I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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