How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've blown a few things in my day
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
