New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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