i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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