I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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