Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
