my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
