a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
