I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
