Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
