She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
