His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize