Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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