I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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