It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
