It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
