I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
