what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
