so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
