i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
