Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
