Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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