My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
