I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
