The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
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its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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