she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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