I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
